It's a long post for the first one on this site, but it's a very well important one:




I am here to say that after much thought and careful observation, I've come to the conclusion that guys and girls just CAN'T be best friends--well...indefinitely anyways (no worries you can still be "just friends" but there are still dangers there we'll discuss some other time). As a temporary setup, it's great: you have someone whom you trust, someone to harmlessly flirt around with, and someone to just go out with. However, it's doomed to fail eventually (and who knows this "eventually" term might be like 30 years after they met). The trigger? Either one of two things: either the two will somehow be unable to ignore the sexual tension that's been building and have a go at a hopefully successful relationship, or one of the two will find a successful relationship with a third person. The first option is up in the air, since whether or not they make it is all up to them (and hopefully they don't totally screw it up), and since the "best friends" status has been terminated anyways (and no B.S. saying "oh but the best relationships are when the two people are still like best friends!" Too bad. The boyfriend-girlfriend dynamic benefits from the pre-existing friendship, but takes precedence over it).
So let me explain the second option and why everything gets messed up when you introduce a third person (and this is assuming you want a successful relationship outside of the friendship. If not, great! You two can go ahead and date around with other people and enjoy a string of unhealthy, messy relationships and breakups with the two of you comforting each other and picking up each others' pieces). It's simply the fact that this newcomer wouldn't be very happy sharing you with someone of the same sex. I mean no guy is completely 100% ok with his girlfriend hanging out with some other guy, who has known her longer, and better and the same goes for a girlfriend not wanting her man hanging out with some girl so much. They will definitely try to play it off that in fact they secure enough to share, but come on, really? There will always be some basal level of insecurity nawing at them from the inside which will be bad for the relationship anyways. I mean you definitely can try to hang on to your best-friendness and the new relationship, but you are going to have to give some up of either one or the other: you can't have your cake and eat it too. Either you spend less time with your bestie and more time with the significant other, or not (I'll warn you that the second option forebodes a breakup though). It all comes down to the notion that a relationship takes time, trust, "clicking with each other" and a whole lot of work. If you're doing all that with someone else like your best friend, you're going to lose your new girlfriend/boyfriend, and I should refer you to Option 1 since it seems like you're on your way there anyways.
The basic reason me saying so outright that you can't be best friends with someone of the opposite sex for long is just a pre-emptive way of preventing some huge problem down the road for your relationships. I am all for option 1 and the best friends getting with each other (most of the times I feel like they do make the best pair, and it tears me up when I see the second option of them splitting up for new relationships is chosen. What if your best friend isn't really attractive to you? Well sorry about that, guess you're probably on your way to option 2. Either that or you get a hotter best friend.


Some exceptions and notes:
1. For those "I have a gay best friend" setups, I can only say that it CAN work out and they CAN have other relationships, but the only danger there is that the two HAVE to manage their time very well and not spend too much time with each other that the relationships are barely hanging on, but not spend too little time with each other that their friendship is in danger (although if they were best friends, they could probably spare some time away and come back from a time of growing their new relationships just as strong)
2. For those "I have a crush on my best friend but he/she has no idea/interest." You are screwed. You want option 1 but you're probably gonna get option 2. Either way you are going to be unhappy unless you A) stop crushing (and actually make peace with yourself) or B) upgrade yourself(don't change your personality or anything, but girls get a new haircut and guys get a new pair of jeans or something) and get him/her to see you in some new light.
3. If you try Option 1, get together and it doesn't work out, depending on how the breakup went down, you two can still best friends, but again, until one of you goes for Option 2 down the line. If one of you has trouble moving on? Well that's another post for another day.


Life's unfair, and life is tough. Don't put yourself in positions where you voluntarily make it even crappier than it is.